Xenoblade crhonicles truth or dare
by king of heavens
Summary: in this lovely story i kidnap the main cast of xenoblade crhonicles and make them go through hell and beyond because it's fun this story also has the first appearence of Derty who is my first oc oh and i also call zanza zanzaz so that's a thing rated M for whatever the readers come up with i don't care how much gore since that's gonna be enough in the torture chamber.
1. your typical game of truth or dare

XENOBLADE CHRONICLES TRUTH OR DARE

A/N

Guys i'am so sorry for not updating my first story The Prophecy i was wase extremely busy with stuff and a insane amount of writers block which is so annoying because i LOVE that story and really wanted to update it ( but enough sulking for now ) i'am almost done with the ideas for the third chapter an i also have a idea for a story that the PMD fans between you will probably like but i will now start the first chapter of this story.

Chapter 1

Shulk : ( looking at some black abyss thing ) hey Dunban what's that ?

Dunban : i don't know man.

Mysterious person : MWAHAHAHAHA! it has worked!

Shulk : did you guys hear that too ( as the black abyss thingie of DOOOOOOM! swallowed the mechonis and bionis )

mysterious person : prepare yourselfes you are now in your worst nightmare namely a game of truth or dare YAY!

Fiora : ( whispers to everyone ) this guy is a nutjob.

Reyn : who are you anyways crazy man.

Mysterious person : ( throws of way too big black cape ) my name is Ronan or on fanfiction King of heavens.

Fiora : still crazy and you just broke the fouth wall.

Me : first off thank you and secondly i don't care but let's play ( pun intended )

Riki : We play what.

Me : We will be playing a game of thruth or dare.

Zanza : SHUT UP !

dertyhjkhxdfyghujgyefvdjzdgjkdfgyb : why am i here.

Everyone : Who the F are you!

Dertyhjkhxdfyghujgyefvdjzdgjkdfgyb : i'am derty ( teleports away )

Me : Now that that thing is gone we can play.

Derty : I'M BACK!

Everyone : ( sigh )

Me : Just leave!

Derty : killjoy ( telepotrs away )

Me : let's continue the game but first i will explain the rules to you.

RULE 1 : YOU MUST DO ALL THE THE THRUTHS AND DARES OR FACE THE WRATH OF ME AND MY MAGICAL KATANA OR THE TORTURE CHAMBER! ( points to a shady looking room from which several screams of pain could be heard )

Fiora : YOU ARE INSANE

Me : ( totaly ignoring her ) YOU GUYS CAN COME OUT NOW! ( 2 guys came out of the so called torture chamber ) these two are Kay and Dylan they will torture you if you choose to go to the torture chamber instead of getting hacked in pieces with this katana called the DRANJA that means the painbringer by the way and they are also my co hosts.

Dylan : hi

Kay : hello

Everyone except me dylan and kay : 0.0 wow are you for realsies.

Me : yes yes i am oh those screams just now were from some idiot called Lars who was unlucky enhough to ever lay his hateful eyes upon us.

Dunban : are you for real.

Me : yes now i will activate the wheel of torture ( snapping my fingers and and a wheel of fortune thingie appeared )

Melia : what is that.

Derty : that is the wheel of torture.

Me : LEAVE NOW OR DIE IS THIS UNDERSTOOD! ( face red from screaming while running after him through the whole studio with the DRANJA )

Derty : ( screaming while teleporting away ) LATER!

Me : ( panting ) i think we are rid of him ( spins the wheel of torture which landed on melia ) ah melia you are the chosen one.

Melia : i have a very bad feeling about this ( shivering ).

Me : oh it's nothing to worry about ( snaps fingers again and a huge neon sign apearred ) it says DARE! You must kiss shulk ... on the mouth.

Melia : i will never do that.

Me : it's or do the dare or get slain by the DRANJA if you are dead you are not in the rest of the chapter or vgo in the torture chamber ( innocent voice ) your choice melia.

Melia : fine i'll do it ( kisses shulk … for 0.0000001 seconds ).

Me : well that was short.

Derty : ooh la la.

Melia : this is so embarassing.

Me : ( sigh ) will i ever be able get rid of you.

Derty : probably not.

Me : fine than you may stay . . . for the rest of the chapter anyways.

Derty : YAY!

Zanza : why exactly is your name dirty.

Derty : IT'S DERTY D-E-R-T-Y.

Me : no one asked for your opinion zanzaz.

Zanzaz : it's zanza ZANZA ZANZA!

Me : whatever you say zanzaz.

Zanza : it is ZANZA.

Me : oh shut up .

A/N

well i really enjoyed writing this story my brother giant dragon or dylan kepty annoying me while writing this and please give me truths and dares in the comments you will get cookies.

Me&Dylan&Kay : truth

Derty : or

everyone : DARE!

KING OUT!


	2. Chapter 2 let the torture continue

XENOBLADE CHRONICLES THRUTH OR DARE

 **A/N**

 **Hello there fellow fanfic writers/readers this is the second chapter of this fic in this chapter i have gotten reviews ( YAY! ) giant dragon may cookies shower down upon you.**

Chapter 2 let the torture continue.

Derty : Please?

Me : ( annoyed ) for the last time no you can't be my third co host.

Derty : Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Me : ( still annoyed ) FINE!

Dylan : ( comes in the room ) What was that about there was all this screaming?

Me : ( calmed down ) This guy ( pointing to Derty ) wanted to be my third co host.

( four hours later )

Me : Hello everyone thanks for coming.

Reyn : ( complaining ) Yeah not like we had a choice or anything.

Me : everyone i have an announcement to make Derty is now my third co host, and i have gotten reviews.

Giant Dragon

dares

1 : make Reyn say now it's Reyn time.

2 : Let the Bionis and Mechonis fight which is better pepsi or coke.

3 : Get Zanzaz mad and tell him not to attack anyone.

thruths

1 : Make Shulk tell everyone of his fear of caterpies.

2 : Let Dunban say who he likes.

3 : Ask Derty why he's so annoying.

Me : Alright we will start with the dares, Ohh this one is for you Reyn.

Reyn : ( scared ) Uh oh this can't be good

Me : Nonono you're lucky for this you only have to say that it's Reyn time.

Shulk : Oh god. ( covering his ears with his hands )

Reyn : NOW IT'S REYN TIME!

Everyone exept for Reyn : Owww my poor ears.

Me : ( angry ) Reyn could you have possibly done that any louder! ( normal voice ) but now it's time for the next dare now the Bionis and Mechonis have to fight wich is better pepsi or coke.

Bionis and Mechonis : i'd rather die.

Me : Alright that could be arranged. ( points to the torture chamber )

Bionis and mechonis : ( scared ) Alright we'l do it.

Me : Okay then you can start.

Bionis : Coke is way better then that junk.

Mechonis ( bitch slaps Bionis ) How dare you call pepsi ( air quotes ) that junk!

Bionis : ( rubbing his face ) Ow that hurt but coke is still way better.

Me : ( fake bored voice ) I grow bored of this you may stop. ( Bionis and Mechonis still fighting ) ( yelling ) I SAID STOP!

Bionis and mechonis : Oh.

Me : now it's time for the last dare D: oh this one is going to be fun ( yelling ) HEY ZANZAZ.

Zanza : ( gets mad ) How dare you call me that.

Me : okay now for the dare don't attack anyone oh and Dylan,Kay and Derty hold him so he cant attack anyone.

Dylan Kay and Derty : okay ( holding him )

Zanza ( furies ) Once i get out of here i'am going to kill you!

Me : And then you will feel the wrath of the dranja.

Zanza ( gets out ) Fine i won't kill you.

Me : alright now onto the truths,first one Shulk tell everyone about your fear of caterpies.

Shulk : Well you just did that.

Me : yeah you're right but next time you won't be so lucky.

Dylan : ( eating a pot of peanutbutter with a spoon ) Now dunbad has to say who he likes.

Dunban ( blushing ) it's nobody i swear.

Kay : yeah alright but next truth. ( gives paper with truths and dasres to me )

Me : ( sad face ) This is allready the truth that Giant Dragon has sent us, But anyways Derty why are you so annoying?

Derty : ( smug grin and talking like it's extremly obvious ) It's my job to be annoying.

Me : ( extremly annoyed ) Of course it is, but now i will spin tne wheel of torture. ( Snaps fingers and spins the wheel ) Riki.

Riki : what you want of Riki.

Kay : well it asks you what your favourite time of day is.

Riki : ( saying like it's obvious ) Favourite time is dinner.

Me : alright everyone that was it for today.

 **A/N**

 **Well that was fun to write i hope you guys liked it and please give me truths and dares in the comments or PM them to me.**

Derty : thruth

Me Kay and Dylan : or

everyone : dare

KING OUT


	3. Chapter 3 the torture

Xenoblade chronicles truth or dare

 **A/N**

 **hey there fellow fanfic writers/readers this is the next chapter of xenoblade chronicles thruth or dare, and i'm sorry for the wait, but you have no one to blame but yourselves for that since I need you guys to leave thruths and dares in the comments, but I have gotten a second batch of comments from giant dragon, may cookies shower down upon you and see you all at the end of the chapter.**

Chapter 3 : the torture

Me : ( walking on stage ) hello there everyone thank you for coming. ( bows )

Zanzaz : it's not like we had a choice or anything!

Me : I wasn't talking to you guys, I was talking to them. ( points to the audience )

Shulk : oh.

Me : nonono it's nothing to worry about everyone makes mistakes sometimes, but I guess i'm feeling generous today so I'll let you leave. ( points to a door on the other side of the stage )

( everyone runs through the door and falls from a trapdoor in the ceiling )

Zanzaz : how dare you do that to the great Zanza.

Me : Whoops my bad, but enough joking around, but on the bright side we've got some new thruths and dares from giant dragon YAY!

1 : ask riki why favourite time is dinner

2 : ask alvis why he always talks in riddles

Dylan : firstly riki has to say why his favourite time is dinner.

Riki : Riki favourite time dinner, then riki can eat lots of food.

Kay : oh ok I guess.

Me : quit it kay.

Kay : Quit what?

Me : you know excactly what i'm talking about!

Kay : no I don't!

Me : I mean you being so sarcastic!

Kay what's so bad about that!?

Me : everything!

Dylan : can we just get on with the show guys?

Me : oh yes the show I totally forgot.

Kay : alright then now alvis has to tell us why he always talks in riddles.

Alvis : I do not. Blah blah blah blah blah

Me : alright dylan, kay could you remind me why we got this guy here.

Kay : yes it was because everyone needed to be here.

Me : oh yes thank you kay.

Alvis : blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

Me : OH MY GOD WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP! **( yes I might have a bit of a problem with anger management issues ;P )**

Alvis : oh alright then.

Me : and also you lied.

Alvis : What why?

Me : you said you don't speak in riddles but you do, guys bring him to the you know where.

Dylan and Kay : alright ( dragging alvis into the torture chamber )

Derty : alright now we will show you ( points to the audience ) the inner working of the torture chamber.

( cheering from the audience )

 **( alright if you can't handle the mature content of the torture chamber, you know what I mean, you can skip to when you see the line like the one above, but if you can just read on. )**

Dylan : ( locks the door ) alright man you're in for a lot of pain. ( grabs a knive from one of the racks on the walls. )

Kay : yeah. ( grabs a hammer )

Alvis : AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH help me someone anyone! ( bangs on the walls. )

Dylan : do you really think that has any use man, these walls are soundproof.

Alvis : ugh great.

Kay : ( totally oblivious ) yeah man that's awesome.

Dylan : but I guess we owe you an explanation before we start, what do you think kay?

Kay : yeah you're right.

Dylan : okay then firstly do you know why you're here?

Alvis uhh nope.

Kay : ok then if you or lie at one of the thruths, or don't do the dare you or get here, or get slain by the dranja, but you already.

Dylan : also if you even get the choice which you sadly did not, because ronan **( that's me :D )** got a little too annoyed, but as I was saying if you get that choice, I would advise the dranja, it's a lot less painful.

Kay : also you can probably see two doors here, the left one leads to dylan's chamber and the one to the right to mine. ( points to the doors ) **( that's just for design )**

Alvis : alright but what does that have to do with it?

Dylan : well it doesn't really have to do with it but it's just that you know.

( a lot of explanations later )

Dylan : alright that was all I think, so let's get to it. ( evil cackle )

Alvis : oh god no.

Kay : oh god yes ( more evil cackling )

Alvis : ( being put on a wooden plank and chained ) Uhhh I have a very bad feeling about this.

Kay : nah it's nothing ( whacks his leg with the hammer as dylan cuts his side )

Alvis : AHHH THAT HURTS!

Dylan : well of course it does it isn't called the torture chamber for no reason. ( puts the knive away for a bamboo stick, and starts whacking him with it )

( a lot of torture later ) **( what I couldn't think of anything )**

Me : Derty get alvis to the to the hospital now.

Derty : of course ( brings alvis to the hospital on one of those hospital things )

Me : ( snapping my fingers so the wheel of torture appears ) alright you all know what will happen now

. . . ohoho this is going to be fun, Hey zanzaz take this. ( throws a fake monado at him. ) you can use this to kill the shulk.

Shulk : ( running around in circles ) AAAAHHHH!

Zanzaz : muhahahahahahahaha. ( tries to attack shulk but it bounces off of him. )

Me : hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, that was made of rubber, jut look at the dare it said to hit yourself with your monado, but i'm the one doing the killing here, so I gave you that one.

Zanzaz : very funny.

Me : yeah I know thank you, and see you all next time. ( bows to the audience )

 **A/N**

 **and what did you think of it was it good was it bad, and please leave some truths and dares in the comments, you will get cookies.**

Zanzaz : truth

Dylan : or

me : dare!

 **KING OUT!**


	4. Chapter 4 torture heaven

Xenoblade chronicles thruth or dare

 **A/N**

 **Hello there fellow fanfic writers/readers. I'm here with the next chapter of this fic. But I don't really have much to say here, beside that for this story and all my other thruth or dare stories when they start, that if a chapter is in production I won't use new thruth's and dares I get until the next chapter. And also sydney, giant dragon, randomperson and a guest have left thruth's and dares so may cookies shower down upon you all.**

Chapter 4 : torture heaven

Me : ( walking onto the stage ) Hello the everyone thank you, for taking the time out of your busy schedules and come to this show.

Reyn : it's not like we had much of a choice crazy man.

Me : Well firstly, I wasn't talking to you but to the audience. And secondly do you seriously still have to call me that?

Derty : Uhh Ronan.

Me : Yes Derty what is it?

Derty : Well i think we should start, since we have gotten quite a few thruth's and dares.

Me : yes you're right, first we will do the truth's and dares of Sydney

Dares  
Alvis - tell Shulk and the party that he's the Monado  
Zanza - stuff his head into a tiny tin can  
Meyneth - kill 20 innocent Machina  
Shulk - summon the True Monado  
Reyn - weild Monado II  
Fiora - stab Shulk through the chest  
Dickson - kiss Zanza (Zanza can retaliate)  
Riki - light Frontier Village on fire and burn it to the ground.

Truths  
Zanza - Why is there a Bunniv superboss in Satorl Marsh that could easily destroy you?  
Alvis - Why did you live with the High Entia? How does the whole seer thing work considering how OLD you actually are?  
Zanza - Are you a lemon? Or are you Banaza (a banana)?  
Alvis - what is 3154•4.45317521/2?  
Shulk - when you say "I'm really feeling it", what are you really feeling?  
Riki - why do you love Melia? What about Oka?  
Sharla - Why do you ship Shulk and Melia when it's clear that Shulk doesn't harbor feelings for her like he does Fiora since Fiora is infidelity better? 

Dylan : yes we should since we do them in chronological order. From when we received them.

Me : thanks Dylan, now for our first dare Alvis has to tell Shulk and the gang that he's the monado.

Alvis : ( mumbling ) this can't end well.

Me : oh don't worry so much man. You'll only get killed or put in the torture chamber if you lie at the truths or don't do the dares.

Alvis : wait how did you hear that?!

Me : oh yes, pardon me for not telling earlier. This studio is created with some special magic, that I, Derty, Dylan and Kay can hear everything the contestants say.

Zanzaz : but that's spying,

Me well you could say it is. But don't worry everything that is said within these walls will stay within these walls. Oh and on all the televisions that are tuned in on this show ( evil grin )

Kay : Hey Alvis you still have to do your dare.

Alvis : ugh fine, guys.

Shulk and the gang : yeah?

Alvis : Well so i'm basically the monado.

Shulk : yeah we already knew that, since you said it after we beat zanza.

Me : HEY IT'S ZANZAZ NOT ZANZA, GOT IT!

Shulk : ugh fine.

me : good ( looks at the paper with thruth's and dares on it ) ohohoho this one's gonna be fun.

Kay : Zanzaz has to stuff his head into a tiny tin can.

Alvis : But that's physically impossible!

Me : man do I look like I care. ( throws a tin can that's 10 time smaller than his head at zanzaz. )

Zanzaz : Ugh fine i'll do it ( tries to stuff his head in )

( 1.5 hours later )

Me : well done Zanzaz you did it.

Zanzaz : mmmmpphhh mpphh mmmmphh.

Me : Uhh what did you say?

Zanzaz ( pulls the can from his head ) I HATE YOU!

Me : huh I thought we already established that.

Derty : We have . . . like fifty times

Me : yeah you might be right on that.

Kay : ok then but shouldn't we save this for after the show?

Dylan : Yeah you're right so the next dare is for Meyneth.

Meyneth : What do I have to do?

Me : it says that you have to kill twenty innocent machina.

Meyneth : What I can't do that!

Me : it's either that, the torture chamber or the dranja.

Meyneth : i'm sorry I just can't do that.

Me : alright then what will it be the dranja or the torture chamber.

Meyneth : well I

Me : you have no choice in the matter. Well to be more precisely none of us have. ( snaps fingers and another wheel of fortune like thing appears )

Shulk : what's that?

Me : this is the ikranjah hadjal

everyone except for me, Dylan, Kay and Derty : WHAT?!

Me : that means wheel of despair in the ancient language of the universe. ( spins the wheel ) Ah you're lucky you got the dranja.

Meyneth : What you call lucky.

Dylan and Kay : He meant that your lucky for not getting the torture chamber.

Meyneth : Oh.

Me : alright then the dranja it is.

( me holding the dranja over my head and bringing it down through her as she disappears in a wave of energy )

Egil : You what have you done with her!

Me : You have no need to worry. I have teleported her into a realm called the ashalicra hiram djarona, in our language that means the realm of banishment, but do not worry she is still alive. But she can only be brought back into this realm with my magic for I am the one the sent her there.

Shulk : Wow that's a lot to take in at once.

Kay : our next dare is for shulk. He has to summon the third monado.

Shulk : but how do I do that?

Me : that's not our concern. That's only that you do it.

( five hours later ) ( you read that in a spongebob voice admit it )

Shulk : ugh I did it.

Me : alright on to the next dare.

Derty : Reyn for this dare you have to try to wield the monado two.

Reyn : but what I I kill someone with it.

Me : don't worry about that. The magic here also makes it so that no one can be killed unless I say so.

Reyn : oh ( grabs the monado II and something similar to the cutscene where he uses the monado in the weapon dev lab occurs. )

Me : ( takes the monado II from Reyn ) Phew well glad that was over.

Sharla : uhh how exactly are we going to repair this?

Me : don't you worry about that ( chanting while floating ) ashikrah mancira asdral niqol hohwalna grianera oldacranea.

( The entire studio being enveloped in a golden hue. And everything being repaired. )

Shulk : wait was that ether? I've heard of some kind of golden ether. Called godly ether once.

Me : ( floating down ) no this was no ether. This was an anient magic only few know of.

Derty : Alright Ronan You can stop showing off your magic skills. And go on with the show.

Me : Yeah you're right, Dylan you do the next dare!

Dylan : okay Fiora now you have to stab shulk through the chest.

Fiora : What why?!

Me : because the dare says so duh.

Fiora : Fine but remind me to sue you later. ( stabs Shulk )

Me : ( yelling into a microphone ) Emergency we have someone that needs to go to the hospital. ( shulk being teleported to the hospital. )

Kay : alright next dare. Now Dickson has to kiss Zanzaz.

Zanzaz : HEY!

Me don't worry man you are allowed to retaliate.

Zanzaz : oh.

Dickson : Why do I have to do that?!

Derty : because the dare says so. And why do we have to say this again?

Dickson : Fine i'll do it. ( kisses Zanzaz and in return gets hit over the head with a jackhammer ten times. )

Me : ( flinches ) Ouch that looked like it hurt.

Kay : yeah sure did.

Dylan : And now for our last dare from Sydney. Riki has to light frontier village on fire.

Riki : why Riki have to do that?

Me : WOULD YOU JUST STOP ASKING THAT!

Riki : ok but how I do that. Village not here.

Me : don't worry about that. ( teleports the studio to the entrance of Frontier village and gives Riki a flamethrower. )

Riki : how this thing work. ( presses random buttons. And throws it away after he doesn't get it to work. And it explodes and lights the village on fire. )

Me : Alright that wasn't how I expected it to go but eh at least he did the dare. ( teleports the studio back. )

Derty : Heya Zanzaz this first thruth is for you.

Zanzaz : Ugh great!

Kay : the question is. "why did you create a bunniv superboss in satorl marsh that could easily destroy you?"

Zanzaz : ( grumpy mumbling ) It was Meyneth's idea.

Meyneth : Hey you're not supossed to tell them that!

Me : well he did have to do it for the thuth. . . And how did you get back here.

Derty : that teleportation spell you used to get us to frontier village also has a side effect. That it brings back people that are banished to the ashalicra hiram djarona.

Me : Oh yeah I remember now. Thanks Derty

Dylan : and for the next thruth Alvis has to tell us why he lived with the high entia. And how the seer thing works since he's so old.

Alvis : well for the first. There isn't any particular reason for that. And for the second thing that's because as I said earlier i'm the Monado, and it makes you see the future and stuff. I guess. ( shrugs )

Me : Alright then. Next thruth, Zanzaz are you bananzaz that's a banana by the way. Or are you a lemon?

Zanzaz : I am neither of those! I'm Zanzaz. Uhh Zanza!

Me : I knew it!

Derty : Alright we get it no need to get angry. And the next dare is once again something for Alvis.

Me : what is 3154•4.45317521/2? **( I accually have no idea what this is. So i'll just put something random that doesn't make sense here. Like my fics don't have enough of that. LOL. )**

Alvis : BANANAS!

Me : Uhh okay then. . . onto the next thruth.

Kay : Shulk. What are you feeling when you yell "I'm really feeling it!" during battles?

Shulk : Well accually I don't feel anything. It's just something I like saying.

Dylan & Me : Wow I didn't expect that.

Shulk : Yeah I know. It's not some thing you would expect.

Me : Now one for Riki. Why do you love Melia And what about Oka.

Riki : Riki love melly as friend because she very nice. But Riki still love Oka more.

Dylan : sounds legit.

Me : yeah.

Derty : Now for Sydney's last dare. Why do you ship Shulk and Melia when it's clear that Shulk doesn't harbor feelings for her like he does Fiora since Fiora is infidelity better?

Me : ( rage mode ) LET ME AT THAT GUY!

derty : uhh I think I have something on the stove at home. ( opens a portal through hyperspace and jumps through it. )

Me : ( Calmed down ) sorry for that. It's just that i'm a hardcore ShulkXMelia Shipper ( angelic sounds happen ;P )

Sharla : Now i'm scared to awnser this question.

Derty : ( peeks his head out from a portal ) has everything calmed down.

Me : Yeah. And I wasn't angry at you.

Derty okay ( jumps out of the portal does a triple backflip and lands on his head. ) ow.

Kay : Uhh Sharla you still have to awnser the question.

Sharla : Well it just seemed like the right thing to do. I guess?

Me : It is the right thing to do. ( smiles )

Derty : whatever But now for the second batch of thruth's and dares. Which is from Giant dragon.

Dares:  
Reyn: let Reyn do the Reyn ragdoll dance in front of the mechon by grabbing the monado.  
Lorathia: tell everyone she is secretly Zanza's distant niece.  
Shulk: battle Zanza all on your own.  
Alvis: explode by overheating.  
Melia: tell everyone of your chrush on Shulk,  
You: give evreyone cookies.

Thruths:  
Zanza: What the hell is Prison Island.  
Zanza: Why did you create four Superbosses that could easily destroy you.  
Shulk: Are you now alive or are you a ghost.  
Reyn: what do you think of Riki.  
Riki: What do you think of Reyn.  
Everyone: what do you think of MLP.

Me : Thank's Derty. And now for Giant dragon's first dare Reyn Has to do the Reyn ragdoll dance. By grabbing the monado. But he has to do it in front of the mechon.

Reyn : And how will I do that if there aren't any mechon here?

Me : I'll just have Egil make some.

Egil : Fine! ( creates some random types of mechon )

Me : Hey reyn.

reyn : Yeah!

Me : here! ( throws the monado at him )

( one Reyn ragdoll dance later )

Me : ( grabs the monado back ) Alright that's that. And surpisingly the studio isn't in shambles . . . again.

Kay : yeah whateverfor our next dare Lorithia has to tell us that she is secretly zanzaz's distant niece

Lorithia : Wait who told you that?!

Me : no one.

Lorithia : Then how did you know?

Me : that's none of your business.

Lorithia : ( grumbling ) Great!

Me : alright then. Now tell them.

Lorithia : ugh fine. I'm this guy's niece. ( points and glares at Zanzaz )

Dylan : Now that wasn't too difficult, was it?

Kay : Yes whatever. Now shulk has to fight Zanzaz on his own.

( studio teleports to sentient genesis. ) **( That's where you battle Zanza in the game. And yes I just called him Zanza, because I only call him Zanzaz for comedy. )**

Shulk : how did we get here?

Me : magic duh.

Shulk : oh.

Derty : ( commentator voice ) Shulk verus Zanzaz. Begin the battle!

( One battle later )

Zanzaz : ugh I got beat by you . . . AGAIN!

( studio teleports back )

Derty : For our next dare Alvis has to explode by overheating.

Alvis : Ok. DUYSGHFUIYkjgdsyuhdguyfg4386ytribjhbgatdsftwibh7wywgdurgeyrtage76gbvyutgSHugfruiygfr7yudgrf7ygergf7trgdsjhbtfvrYVBTRyuyjufCyFtrygbghjftrrfuye%FFcduhdshfyugkjnDytdbijewgklByg6gbjlGYUGBhfddyiuwh4i9GATSGURGURHSGTrfgYTDEF86U. ( boom! )

Me : Alright that was hilarious. ( unexplodes Alvis )

Kay : ( whispers in Melia's ear ) Now you have to tell everyone about your chrush on Shulk.

Melia : I do not have a chrush on him.

Me and Dylan : Yes you do!

Melia : I do not!

Shulk : What are you arguing about?

Me, Dylan and Melia : nothing!

Shulk : Oh Okay then. . . I guess.

Kay : alright since we're not gonna get it out of her. Let's move onto the next and last dare from Giant dragon.

Derty : Ronan you have to give everyone cookies.

Me : Alright. I wasn't planning on doing this, but since it's a dare. You can all have your cookies. ( opens a door and a huge wave of cookies falls out of it )

Derty : Man do you really need that much cookies!?

Me : Yes. Yes I do. But let's move on to the truths. The first one is for Zanzaz and it is What the hell is Prison island.

Zanzaz : How am I supposed to know that, I didn't build it.

Me : alright then. . . next truth!

Kay : Another one for Zanzaz. Why did you create four superbosses that could easily destroy you?

Zanzaz : I already said why.

Derty : Yeah.

Dylan : now one for Shulk. Are you alive now or are you a ghost?

Shulk : I think i'm alive. But honestly don't know.

Me : DUN DUN DUNNNNNN. Next truth!

Derty : Reyn What do you think about Riki?

Reyn : That he's an annoying fuzzball.

Dylan : ok. And now the opposite of that question. What does Riki think About Reyn.

Riki : Reyn big and dumb!

Reyn : HEY!

Me : be quiet. Now the last truth is something for all of you, so please don't all awnser at the same time.

Dylan : What do you all think of MLP. **( Yes me and my brother are both bronies. )**

Zanzaz : it's the stupidest show ever. And it's dumb.

Me : ( talks through mobile phone )

Discord : ( appears out of nowhere ) What is it Ronan?

Me : thanks for coming so fast. And could you please get rid of this guy for me he's starting to become a nuisance. ( points at Zanzaz )

Discord : ( snaps fingers and Zanzaz disappears. )

Me : Thanks. And you can go now that was all.

Discord : ( teleports away )

Me : Alright someone else want to say something?

( awkward silence, cricket sounds included )

Me : alright no one. Then lets move on to the next set which is quite small.

Dares:  
Dare Shulk to get in a 10 minute battle without yelling "I'm really feeling it."  
Dare Zanza to admit his greatest secret, which is he was actually Klaus' cat before the events of the game.

Truths:  
Shulk: Why do you love Fiora when it's clear you love Melia?  
Riki: How many times have you done happy happy time with Oka? Melia? Sharla?  
Sharla: Why is Reyn better than Dunban?

Derty : Shulk you have to get into a ten minute battle without yelling "I'm really feeling it!"

Shulk alright.

( 10 minutes later )

Shulk : well I did it.

Kay : now Zanzaz has to tell us his greatest secret.

Zanzaz : well in the old world I wasn't exactly Klaus. . . I was his cat. :P

Derty : now shulk why do you say you love Melia when you clearly love Fiora. We're at the truths now by the way.

Me : BECUASE HE DOES LOVE MELIA!

Shulk : well he is right.

 **( I will never NEVER! Participate in any Shulk X Fiora shipping. I don't know what it's called. )**

Me : YES!

Derty : Riki how many times have you done happy happy time with Oka, melia or sharla.

Riki : Riki no want tell you.

Me : Then it's the wheel. ( snaps fingers and wheel of despair appears yadda yadda yadda )

Dylan : and once again the Dranja.

( one Dranja slash later )

Me : Now for Sharla. Why is Reyn better than Dunban?

Sharla : because reasons.

Kay : Whatever. onto the last Batch of truths and dares.

Truths:  
Zanza - are you a cow?  
Meyneth - why do Machina have boobs?  
Meyneth - how do Machina reproduce?  
Alvis - are you a computer?  
Shulk - Are you a Nopon?  
Reyn - why aren't you dead?  
Fiora - are you the real Fiora?  
Dunban - Are you an onion?  
Riki - are you a potato or an onion?  
Lorithia - why are you so ugly  
Mumkhar - are you a teddy bear?  
Dickson - are you a pizzle?  
Dunga - what do Nopon taste like? Don't say "I don't know"  
Otharon - what is cow?  
Alvis - Fish! Fish? FISH?  
Sorean - how does your poop taste? Does it taste good?

Dares:  
Zanza - cuddle with Avalanche Abaasy  
Meyneth - eat a live Homs  
Alvis - destroy the universe ;)  
Shulk - Touch Meyneth's boobs to see if they're made of metal  
Zanza - turn into a banana  
Reyn - turn into a tomato  
Fiora - cook Riki for dinner and eat Riki, in parady to Xenoblade X with Lin and Tatsu  
Vangarre - swallow one of those 50ft tall mechon whole  
Alvis - turn into a POTATO  
Dickson - rip out your balls  
Lorithia - disassemble yourself by removing parts in this order:  
1\. Wings  
2\. Tongue  
3\. Teeth  
4\. Toes  
5\. Feet  
6\. Legs  
7\. Ears  
8\. Boobs  
9\. Nose  
10\. Eyes  
11\. Hair  
12\. Cheeks  
13\. Frontal Lobe  
14\. Stomach  
15\. Liver  
16\. Tissue near stomach and liver  
17\. Brain  
Shulk - kill the main party in this order:  
1\. Melia  
2\. Sharla

4\. Riki  
5\. Dunban  
6\. Fiora  
7\. Shulk  
Riki - eat Oka and Chief Dunga  
Melia - turn into Telethia

Me : for this first dare Zanzaz has to cuddle with the avalanche abaasy.

Zanzaz : ( tries to get close but gets roasted. )

Dylan : Now Meyneth has to eat a live Homs

Meyneth : ( eating ) Om nom nom.

Derty : now alvis has to destroy the universe.

Alvis : ( does weird siencey stuff. And the universe goes boom )

Derty : Don't worry i'll recreate it like it just was.

( one universe recreation later. )

Me : Now shulk has to touch Meyneth's boobs to see if they're made of metal.

Shulk and Meyneth : WHAT!

Me : just do it man.

Shulk : and what if I don't want to.

Me : then you will be forced to do it.

Kay : ( throws Shulk at Meyneths chest )

Shulk : Ow. Yes it's metal.

Derty : yes okay. Now Zanzaz has to turn into a banana.

Zanzaz : Uhh Who thought of that?

Me : some random guest.

Zanzaz : ( transforms into a banana )

Me : Hey who is hungry for banana?

Zanzaz : ( transforms back ) Not today suckers!

Me : Drat!

Dylan : alright next. Alvis has to turn into a potato.

Me : ( turns Alvis into a potato. )

Derty : hey that was cheating.

Me : Whatever ( shrugs and turns Alvis back. )

Kay : uhh Ronan this was actually a dare for later.

Me : Oh Whoops. But it's not that bad let's go on. Reyn you have to turn into a tomato.

Reyn : eh okay ( paints himself red and puts a plant on top of his head. )

Me, Dylan, Kay and Derty : ( laughing really hard )

Reyn : ( Jumps into a conveniantly placed tub of ice cold water. ) brr that's cold.

Derty : fiora you have to cook Riki and eat him.

Fiora : Yeah whatever. ( starts Cooking Riki )

( one Riki alfredo later )

Me : ( revives Riki )

Riki : riki angry. You no can eat Riki! And what next dare?

Kay : Vangarre has to swallow a 50 ft mechon whole.

Vangarre : ( does that ) tastes like old bread!

Me : how does that even work?

Dylan : now Dickson has to rip off his balls **( ouch )**

Dickson : NO!

Me : Alright then. ( snaps fingers, wheel of despair appears. ) Darn it. Why does it land on the Dranja every time!?

( una barra dranja tarde ) **( That means one dranja slash later in spanish. ;P )**

Dylan : Alright now Lorithia has to dissasamble herself in this order

1\. Wings  
2\. Tongue  
3\. Teeth  
4\. Toes  
5\. Feet  
6\. Legs  
7\. Ears  
8\. Boobs  
9\. Nose  
10\. Eyes  
11\. Hair  
12\. Cheeks  
13\. Frontal Lobe  
14\. Stomach  
15\. Liver  
16\. Tissue near stomach and liver  
17\. Brain

Lorithia : What!

Me : ( puts her in a dissasembling machine )

( one Hour later )

Derty : Ok what do we do with this mess. ( points at what's left of Lorithia. )

Me : ( uses magic again to repair her. ) That.

Kay : Now shulk has to kill the main party in this order.

1\. Melia  
2\. Sharla  
4\. Riki  
5\. Dunban  
6\. Fiora  
7\. Shulk

Shulk : NO!

Me : You know the routine. ( yadda yadda yadda. ) Yes. Kay, Dylan torture chamber time.

 **( Don't read past this if you can't handle the torture chamber )**

Dylan : ( straps Shulk to a metal table ) Hmm which of these should I use first.

Kay : I'll use this scimitar. ( slashes across Shulks Body. Which creates cuts That start bleeding profusely. )

Dylan : Hmm i'll take this hammer. ( rams the hammer onto Shulks head multiple times with loud cracking sounds. )

Kay : turns over a lever which opens a hole in the middle of the room with pirhanas in it. And then turns another lever which lowers shulk in it for a few seconds. )

( later )

Me : ( heals shulk after the torture chamber. ) Next dare. Riki has to eat chief Dunga and Oka.

Riki : om nom nom. Taste like raw steak.

Dylan : good now for the last dare. Melia has to turn into a telethia.

Melia : alright then. ( makes a giant blast of ether whisch transforms her )

Me : alright that's all the dares. ( makes everything normal again. ) First thruth. Zanzaz Are you a cow?

Zanzaz : No!

Derty : Next. Meyneth. Why do machina have boobs.

Meyneth : I tried to make them as humaniod as possible.

Me : Valid point. Also the next thruth is also for you. How do machina reproduce?

Meyneth : just like any normal person would.

Kay : next, Alvis are you a computer?

Alvis : yes.

Dylan : shulk are you a nopon?

Shulk : ( gasp ) you found out my secret. But no.

Me : Reyn why are you not dead.

Reyn : Why would I be dead.

Me : Good point.

Kay : Fiora. Are you the real Fiora.

Fiora : Yes

Derty : Dunban are you an onion?

Dunban : no

Me : Riki are you a potato or an onion

Riki : Riki is neither of those. He is Nopon

Me and Dylan : Why are you so ugly Lorithia?

Lorithia : I am not ugly!

Kay : Are you a teddy bear Mumkhar?

Mumkhar : Does being deadly count.

Dylan : is Dickson a pizzle?

Dickson : NO!

Derty : Dunga. What do Nopon taste like?

Dunga : nopon taste like fruit salad.

Me : uhh okay. Next truth. Otharon What is cow?

Otharon : it stands for cheese on water.

Me : What?

Derty : Alvis.

Alvis : Yes

Derty : fish! Fish? FISH!

Alvis : FISH?

Me : For the last truth. Sorean how does your poop taste?

Sorean : it tastes like paper

me : uhh What but that's the end this time bye.

 **A/N**

 **Hey there guys. This was a pretty long chapter wasn't it. But I don't really have anything to say besides i'm so sorry for taking s long to finally upload something again. And see you all next time.**

Derty : Truth

Me : or

Kay : Dare.

KING OUT!


	5. Chapter 5 this will take a while

Xenoblade chronicles thruth or dare

 **A/N**

 **Yes I know that i've been putting tihs of for much too long, it's just that the amount of thruths and dares i've got is quite daunting to say the least. But anyway, innocenticepuppy, nice grey mage, sydney, guest, s-noells and nicthewerecatqueen may cookies shower down upon you. Also as a forewarning, this is going to be a really long chapter.**

Chapter 5 : this will take a while

Me : hello there everyone and thank you for coming.

Derty : but f course where would this show be without it's contestants.

Zanzaz : just skip the intro!

Me : fine, killjoy.

Dylan : let's get to our first batch of thruths and dares. We have a loooooooong way to go.

Shulk- Show off his uvula (IDK)  
Reyn- eat Riki  
Sharla- kiss a mechon  
Dunban- eat Zanza  
Melia- cuddle a telethia  
Riki- Hug Shulk (Cause Shulk deserves a hug)  
Vanea : stab Lorithia  
Alvis: Eat Vanea  
Dickson: slap himself  
Lorithia: jump off a cliff  
Zanza: Hug Sulk  
Meyneth: give Melia a pet dobercorgi

The werecat queen is OUT!

Kay : alrighty first off, Shulk has to show off his uvula.

Shulk : huh i'm surprised, its not something scary or gruesome or something like that. ( opens mouth wide to show it )

Me : just you wait shulk, just you wait.

Derty : alright next up is reyn, who has to eat riki.

Me : sheesh what is it with you people and wanting our contestants to eat riki?! **( I don't actually have anything against you though )**

Reyn : somehow eats Riki in one bite.

Me ( brings riki back to life ) alright how did you do that?

Reyn : uhh I dunno crazy man.

Dylan : ok next dare. Sharla has to kiss a mechon.

Sharla : ( gets eaten by a random mechon when she's approachig it. )

Me : alright that actually surprised me, even though it really shouldn't have. But anyway, i'll let it slide.

Derty : okay and next up Dunban has to eat Zanzaz.

Me : ( whispers into his ear ) it's Zanzaz.

Derty : yeah whatever. ( rolls eyes )

Zanzaz : What!?

Me : just roll with it, it will make it less bad.

Zanzaz : but he has to eat me!

Me : I know, you're already half gone.

Zanzaz : ( iz ded nu ) **( don't worry I do actually know how to grammar guys. )**

Dunban : ( burps )

Dylan : ok that was just funny, with Zanzaz not realizing he was being eaten. And now Melia MUST! Cuddle a telethia.

Melia : uhh really?

Me : Yes really.

Melia : alright then, i'll do it. Since I don't want to disobey you and die. ( cuddles a telethia that suddendly appeared out of thin air )

Me : that's very smart of you melia. ( smiles )

Derty : next up Riki has to hug shulk, no strings attached.

Riki : ( hugs Shulk ) nice to give Riki easy thing to do.

Me : once again, just you wait.

Kay : and for the next dare, Vanea has to stab Lorithia.

Vanea : okay ( stabs her )

Me : Well that was, how to put it . . . Surprisingly easy.

Derty : and now we have another eating. Seems like this person was quite hungry.

Alvis : ( somehow creates a giant mouth that eats vanea in one bite. )

Me, Dylan, Kay and Derty : ( wide eyed ) What did I just witness?

Derty : but anyway, Dickson has to stab himself now.

Dickson : That's just stupid!

Me : I know, but you still have to do it.

Dickson ( facepalms ) that's a stupid reason.

Me : ok but you did just do it by facepalming.

Dickson : ok.

Dylan : next up Lorithia must jump off of a cliff, luckily since last time we've installed the bottomless pit of endlessness.

Lorithia : seriously?

Me : yes seriously, now jump into it, it's not like there are spikes at the bottom that it doesn't have. Also we don't have all day we have a ton of thruths and dares to go through, and I would like to keep this chapter under 10K words.

Lorithia : ( jumps into the bottomless pit of endlessness. )

Kay : well, that sure worked.

Lorithia : ( screams in pain from hitting the nonexistant spikes at the nonexistant bottom of the pit. )

me : ( ignores that ) for the next dare zanzaz has to hug shulk, yay.

Zanzaz : ( irritated ) fine ( hugs shulk )

Kay : alright that was very easy, and for the last dare of this person Meyneth has to give melia a dobercorgi.

Meyneth : ( gives melia 674 bobercorgis )

Me : that's quite a few of those things, but that's beside the point. Now we'll begin with our second batch of thruths and dares.

Truths  
You(writer): do you follow dirty-xenoblade-confessions on Tumblr? You mentioned  
Zanza being Klaus's pet cat, which was a joke I made, in that same submission I mentioned Meyneth being a random tiger aboard the ship and Alvis really loving cats.  
Sharla: why is Colony 9 on the Bionis crotch?  
Shulk: Described in gruesome detail about Fiora's "death".  
Zanza: where is your penis?  
Meyneth: Do you have the eye of the tiger?  
Meyneth: Why do you have a crotch window?  
Zanza: How many times have you and Meyneth have sex? What kind of sex? Did Alvis ever walk in on it? Did you ever get Meyneth pregnant? Is that how the machine were created? Are you Egil's dad?  
Shulk: if you were to describe yourself as a food, which food would it be?  
Alvis: Who were the scientists that worked on you (besides Klaus)?  
Alvis:Any classified info? What is it?  
Alvis: Is 42 the secret to the universe?  
Zanza: Sansa Stark? Sansa Stark?  
Zanza: since you lack a penis, what do you do when you need to pee?  
Fiora: You ship yourself with Shulk and not accept my Alshulk/Shalvis fantasies? Ding Shame! Ding Shame! Ding Shame!  
Meyneth: About those machina you refused to kill, don't worry, I killed them for you ]  
Riki/Dunga: your explanations for what Nopon taste like don't match up. Find an agreed upon answer.

Dares:  
Meyneth/Zanza(z): Take off your cloths and rub your bodies together REAL good  
Alvis: Massacre everyone in a violent rampage as you rip everyone apart piece by piece without batting an eye or blinking.  
7 main characters: go in an all out battle royal to the death as the victor bathes in the blood of their commerades.  
Shulk: hack into Alvis (Alvis must resist)  
Dickson: have sex with anyone of your choosing, if they retaliate then they go to the torture room.  
Shulk: Marry Zanza and feed my sick nonexistent love for Shulk/Zanza shipping.  
Reyn: Crush someone's skull in a bloody display, just like that one guy did the other guy in Game of Thrones.  
Melia: Mother some dragons.  
Shulk: Confess  
Dunban: Turn into a rainbow-haired senpai pegasus. Then fly really fast and make rainbow appear.  
Riki: Get a cutie mark  
Riki: Shove 5,672 marbles up your crotch hole.  
Riki: Find a Nopon named Tatsu, have Reyn hold down as you peel his skin off while Tatsu's expressions contort and twist in pain and agony until his remains are no more distinguished than that off cut pork.

Derty : our first thruth is for you ronan. It's if you follow dirty-xenoblade-confessions on tumblr.

Me : no, just no. **( this character is a self-insert, so if any thruths or dares are directed to me as the author, i'll use this character for them. )**

Kay : well that went over quickly. And our next thruth is to sharla, as to why colony 9 is on the bionis's crotch.

Sharla : I think you're confusing colony 9 with colony 6, but the reason is because of the mines. As believe it or not a large portion of those were already there.

Dylan : ok now Shulk has to describe Fiora's death in gruesome detail.

Shulk : honestly I wasn't nearly close enough to be able to do that, sorry.

Me : alright then I guess, but anyway next thruth, hey zanzaz,

Zanzaz : what?!

Me : ( hands him the thruth. ) read this.

Zanzaz : ( reads ) the answer to all of that is, NO!

Kay : that's very clear, good.

Me : ( very quickly ) next thruth!

Kay : yeah yeah I know. Again to zanza, do you hve a penis?

Zanzaz : ( weirded out ) uhm, yes.

Derty : ok.

Dylan : next up, meyneth. Do you have the eye of the tiger?

Meyneth : what does that mean?

Me : no idea, so I guess it's a valid answer. And now again for you, why do you have a crotch window.

Meyneth : because life is evil, that's why.

Derty : okay bit weird but okay.

Kay : and now shulk has to tell us what food he would describe himself as.

Shulk : weeeeellllll I would probably use uhh. . . . . . PASTA!

Me : huh I was expecting lasagna. And next up, alvis who worked on you besides Klaus?

Alvis : just Klaus and Meyneth, it was their secret project.

Dylan : huh valid point, next for you. Do you have any classified data and if you do what is it.

Alvis : yes. I do, but I can't tell you it's classified after all.

Me : Darn. And then there is one more for you, is 42 the answer to the universe.

Alvis ; why yes, yes it is.

Derty : hey Zanzaz, sansa stark? Sansa stark?

Zanzaz : What the hell is a sansa stark!

Me : no idea. Also how do you pee with the lack of a penis, altough this thruth is not valid anymore as you do have one. Also Fiora read this. ( hands her the thruth )

Fiora : ( reads it ) uhh ok.

Dylan : what's that supposed to mean?

Fiora : how else should I reply, it's not really a question.

Kay : that's true. And so to our last thruth of this batch, Riki and Dunga Your explenations for what nopon taste like don't match up. so you have to find an agreed upon answer.

Riki and Dunga : taste of nopon depend on nopon.

Me : oh, iguess that makes sense.

Derty : heya zanzaz and Meyneth, you have to take off your clothes and rub yourselves together. In this dark room where you can't see anything. ( ushed them into said dark room while laughing maniacally )

( muffled crashing sounds )

Kay : ok now alvis has to kill everyone in a violent rampage without batting an eye or blinking.

Alvis : ok, that's one of my hobbies. ( does that )

Me : ok did not expect that. Also should I be scared now. ( revives everyone with magical author powers of awesomeness. )

( muffled crashing sounds continue )

Dylan : now the main 7 have to go into a battle royale to the death and the winner bathes in the blood ot their comrades.

Main 7 : what, we can't do that!

Derty : ( whispers to them ) just do it it's smarted than not doing it.

( the main 7 does the battle and reyn wins it and bloody stuff happens )

( meyneth and zanzaz come out of the dark room, wearing each others clothes. )

Me : ( whispers to the other hosts ) let's not tell them and see how long it takes for them to figure it out

Derty : ( whispers ) ok.

Me : our next dare is for shulk who has to hack into alvis, and alvis must resist or retaliate.

Shulk : ok ( hits alvis with a monado buster, and in return gets blasted with a huge orb of pure energy. )

alvis : um whoops maybe I charged it up for a bit too long.

Me : nah I doubt it

Dylan : yeah whatever, onwards to the next dare. Dickson you can have [ censored ] with anyone of your choosing and if the retaliate they go to the torture chamber.

Dickson : [ censored ] [ censored ] [ censored ] [ censored ] [ censored ] shulk.

Shulk : no, just no!

Me : ok then to the torture chamber with you.

Shulk : that's better, I guess

 **( ok torture chamber, you know the drill skip to the other line if you can't handle this. )**

Shulk : ( strapped to a metal table while gagged with swords hanging from the ceiling. )

Kay : hey dylan, how many swords should we lower at first?

Dylan : eh we can do all at the same time he's used to it by now. This is like the third time he's here ( yanks a lever which drops all the swords and makes an explosion of blood and insides. )

Kay : ( grumpy ) yeah smart idea!

 **( ok much shorter than I intended but eh I like it like this. )**

* * *

( after shulk having been revived my my awesome magic powers )

Derty : ok maybe a bit less extreme next time guys ok?

Kay : ok and our next dare is for shulk to marry zanzaz.

Shulk : uh ok I guess i'll do it because I never want to go there again.

Me : smart choice. ( pulls two suits out of thin air ) put these on you two. ( Throws them at shulk and zanzaz )

( all the preperations later )

Me : ok then let's start this. Do you shulk howden take zanza greif as your lawfully wedded husband?

Shulk : ( grumbles ) fine.

Me : good now zanza greif do you take shulk howden as your lawfully wedded wife.

Zanzaz : hell no!

Me : ( mouths the word torture chamber )

Zanzaz : uhh I mean yes, yes I do.

Me : good. ( skips to next dare with author powers.

Kay : now reyn Will crush zanzaz's skull.

Reyn : ( does that )

me : ( revives Zanzaz ) ok that went much easier and faster than I thought.

Dylan : now melia has to mother some dragons.

Melia : well I did buy this suspicious looking egg on zbay ( pets the egg which makes it explode and 5 dragons come out of it. )

Derty : ok that works I guess. And now this person wants shulk to confess.

Shulk : to what?

All hosts : no idea, just do it. ( explosion goes off in background 0

Shulk : ( deadpans ) I hate your nickname for zanza.

Me : hey! Anyway now dunban has to do uhh. ( shows him the dare. )

Dunban : wot. ( Transforms by sheer willpower alone and stuff happens, then detransforms )

me : wot.

Dylan : now riki has to do three different things ( shows riki the dares )

Riki : what I do first?

Me : the first one. You have to do them from the top one to the bottom one.

Riki : ok. But riki not know what cutie mark mean.

Me : oh yeah I didn't think of that.

( one really quick explanation later )

Riki : ok riki understand now. ( more magic stuff happens ) ta da. Riki did it yay.

Dylan : ok two more to go. ( pulls a lever which opens a hatch in the ceiling and 5672 marbles fall out of it. ) riki you know what to do.

Riki : yes riki know.

( a few hours later )

Riki : riki done. ( falls over. )

me : ( magically gets rid of the marbles ) ok one more. ( teleports tatsu into the studio. ) ok reyn you have to hold this creature down ( points at tatsu )

Reyn : yeah whatever crazy man. ( holds tatsu down in a vice grip. )

Riki : ( rips Tatsu to shreds. ) YOU NO CAN HAVE RIKI'S PLACE IN SHOW!

Kay : sheesh, and also that was all dares for now

Me : to the next batch

 **( you should read this batch of thruths and dares. As i'm not going to say what they all are separately, since there are so many here. )**

Truths:  
Alvis:  
How did you lose your virginity?  
Why are tasty sausages in an ancient High Entia tomb?  
Does your soul "turn the time gear"? Does it?! (I'm referencing the lyrics to Zanza's theme reversed)  
What are your thoughts on Meyneth?  
What are your thoughts on Shulk?  
Dickson:  
Why did you become Zanza's disciple?  
Did you have a family when you were a giant? Who were they? Why did you betray them?  
What is strictly against your moral code?  
What are your thoughts on Shulk?  
Dunban:  
Do you ever hope to get your arm back?  
Why are you so Shulk/Fiora shipping when Shulk/Alvis and Melia/Fiora are the paths to righteousness?  
Why does the naked Dunban strategy exist?  
You:  
Why do you ship Shulk/Melia when Melia's going to outlive Shulk (and don't mention that those problems are worse with Shulk/Alvis)  
Who is your favorite?  
Guy that gave everyone cookies:  
What language is the sword and wheel of fortune in?  
Do you prefer Bionis or Mechonis?  
Zanza  
Why do you dislike My Little Pony when you are one yourself? Huh Zanza? Or should I say..LEMONHEARTS!  
Meyneth  
Why is your soul attached to Fiora's boobs? Is there something we need to know?  
What are your thoughts on Alvis?  
Melia:  
WHY DO YOU LOVE SHULK WHEN HE HAS SOOOOO MANY BETTER OPTIONS? I mean there's Fiora (meh), Reyn (can ACTUALLY protect), Sharla (I don't care if I'm the only one that's ever shipped it), and Alvis (YUUUUUS, shut up with the logic and reason). Btw, would you REALLY want to f* a corpse?  
Yumea:  
Why do you suck as a villain? I doubt anyone even remembers you. Boo!

Dares:  
You:  
Listen to Zanza's theme reversed. (You can find it pretty easily on YouTube, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem)  
Incorporate psychological torture into the torture chamber and test it out on Shulk.  
Shulk:  
Nuke the Bionis!  
Spread the sacred religion of Meliaism. Burn all the nonbelievers in a sacrifice to the goddess, Melia and the homeland of Mellionis.  
Hail Zanza!  
Fight Alvis to the death!  
Choose someone to go to the new and improved torture chamber!  
Run various experiments on Alvis.  
Eat the Monados (Monado I, Monado II, Monado III, the 5 replicas, and Meyneth's Monado).  
Fiora  
Activate Overdrive!  
Strip Shulk of his cloths and put them on. Leave the rest of him for Melia.  
Rip off your head with your bare hands.

Alvis:  
Time travel to the beginning of Shulk's journey and tell him all your secrets. See what happens from there.  
Engage Zanza in combat.  
Decipher this message: I-I/-\\! 4[]I_I PI2[]I3/-\I3I_4 I-I/-\V3 IV[] (I_I_I3 VVI-I/-\T 1'IVI 5/-\41IVG! I)[] 4[]I_I?  
Light the Bionis and Mechonis on fire.

Zanza:  
Turn into a pony.  
Admit that you totally ship Shulk and Fiora. Why else would you let him continue loving Meyneth's vessel?  
Apologize to Melia for forcing Shulk's love onto Fiora and starting the journey that caused them to even meet in the first place.  
Admit your true feelings to Shulk.  
Gadolt:  
Confess your love for Riki.  
Oka:Confess your love for Sharla.

Me : ok das a lot of things. So let's start. ( hands everyone papers wit their thruths and dares. ) alvis you're first on the chopping block.

Alvis : ok then, 1 : I didn't 2 : I was there once and got really hungry. 3 : I guess so. 4 : eh she's not that bad but I don't have much excperience with her. 5 : he's a good guy I suppose.

Dickson : 1 : reasons 2 : no family giants are solitary 3 ; killing my leader, I guess. 4 : he's a good kid, beside meddling in lord zanza's plans.

Dunban : 1 : not really, i've learned to live without it. 2 : uhh reasons, I guess 3 : don't ask me I don't know!

Me : 1 : first off, those problems are worse with shulk x alvis. Also, I blame chuggaa. 2 : riki is the best party member by far.

Riki : riki happy! Yay. ( dances )

Me : ok riki but I have two more thruths to answer. 3 : the dranja and and both wheels are in the ancient almightian language. Don't ask me to explain what that entails it would take up this entire chapter. 4 : i'm honestly not too sure, as I like both of them. Bt if I had to choose one of them it would have to be bionis, because of valak mountain and satorl marsh.

Zanzaz : ( angry ) what the hell does that even mean!

Me : eh whatever. Next!

Meyneth : 1 : I don't know, ask vanea. 2 ; Same as his opinion on me, I don't have eough experience with him to give a valid answer.

Melia : um what did I just read?

Yumea : what, i'm the awesomest villain ever!

Me : there's you answer. Next up, ( drumroll ) ( dramatic pause ) the dares. Dun. Dun. DUN!

Me : ok ( listens to zanza's theme reversed, which spells desrever emeht s'aznaz ) well I know there are actual lyrics supposed to be here but I don't hear it. **( my actual reaction when I first listened to it about a year ago. )** also my second dare, sorry but I can't do that . As that is already in effect in the torture chamber. **( I just don't know how to write it yet which is why I havn't put it in yet. Also physical torture is funner to write. )**

Dylan : ok shulk's dares are next.

Shulk : what's a nuke?

Derty : this ( gives him a replica of the nuke dropped on hiroshima ) **( for any japanese readers out there i'm not trying to insult you, That was just the first nuke that came to my mind. Sorry )**

Shulk : ( drops it on the bionis which the goes kaboom. And another titan in the shape of melia appears in it's place. )

Kay : hey guys, what's that!?

Me : that's the mellionis it'll dissapear after the dare is over.

Shulk : ( goes on the holy pilgimage of meliaism. ) ( and hails zanza )

Derty : what. Did. I. Just. Witness. ( explodes )

Me : next dare! Shulk VS alvis FIGHT! ( totally not a smash bros ripoff )

( the studio teleports to another new addition, the arena )

Alvis : hey shulk you don't stand a chance, remember killing people is one of my hobbies. ( shoots shulk with a giant kamehameha, totally not a ripoff form naruto. I mean dragon ball ) **( that naruto thing was a joke just so you know )**

( studio teleports back )

me : and we have a winner. ( picks up alvis ) also the next dare can't be done as the psychological torture in the torture chamber isn't new. So shulk has to do the one after it.

Shulk : ( does weird sciency stuff that he calls experiments on alvis )

Dylan : one more

shulk : ( eats the monados ) they taste kinda weird.

Derty : whatever, next up is fiora.

Fiora : I don't even know what that overdrive thing is. ( it activates ) wot?

Kay : maybe saying it activated it.

Fiora : ( does her second dare ) LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Me : ( teary eyed from humor **( IRL )** ) really, just really.

Fiora : ok ( presses a button on her suit-thing that makes her head levitate.

All hosts : ok I think its better if we don't ask how that works.

Dylan Ok alvis's dares are next.

Alvis : ( stuff for first dare )

Alvis : Ok ( shoots another kamehameha but this time at zanza. )

Alvis : ok let's see. Hmm, got it. That message deciphers to, soul eater is the best anime ever made. **( it really is. )**

Alvis : ( creates a huge fireball that he uses to set the mechonis and bionis on fire. )

Me : ok our next victim is zanzaz.

Zanzaz : Don't call me that! ( magic transformationy stuff happens )

Zanzaz : what! I don't even know what that ship thing means. Also for the third one, what does that have to do with anything?

Me : good point, go on.

Zanzaz : ok I hate you shulk.

Shulk : the feelings mutual.

Derty : ok the lats two dares of this batch can be done at the same time.

Oka and Gadolt : ( do their dares )

Me : ok then that was all for this batch, onto the next.

Truths  
Me - I'm going to actively try to be as creepy as physically possible towards the characters! I hope I didn't overstep my bounds with a certain dragon.  
Dunban - why do you ship Shulk and Fiora? Seriously! You push it SO hard that you and you alone tore Shulk away from Melia and her happy ending. Yet people ship you with her!? Disgusting! Melia deserves better than you, Dumbban!  
Derty - why are you so . . . dirty?  
Lorithia - so you're Zanza's niece, eh? So you come from Earth? Then I wouldn't put it below you to get down and dirty with a certain world-making AI you sexy robo-f***er.  
Kallian - When Lorithia fused herself into you, how did it feel to know all the Kallian/Alvis shippers would collectively tell her, "Get off of Alvis's sexy birb friend you perv!"?  
Zanza - how does it feel to have a glowing butt? Must make late night sex with Meyneth REALLY awkward.  
Melia - what is your thoughts on intimate Melia/Riki shippers (Which mostly just consists of me)?

Dares:  
Shulk - Shove the Monado up your butthole.  
Alvis - pull the Monado out of Shulk's butthole.  
Meyneth - impregnate Riki  
Zanza - rip Dickson's balls off and place them where yours should go! Use godly super mega ultra glue with extra stickyness, ensuring it never comes off!  
Alvis - Create a massive pink dragon called Bresica the Innocence Killer. Bresica has two red eyes, a butt for a face, 70 radioactive boobs, and two big black & green dicks. (This is literally something I have drawn, I just woke up and asked myself "how many boobs can I shove on a dragon? I counted how many boobs there were. Then I asked some formerly innocent friends to double check. There were literally boobs on its dick! Try to contemplate that! I dare you!)  
Melia - cuddle Bresica the Innocence Killer  
Sharla -compare boob sizes with Bresica the Innocence Killer.  
Juju - Take a good long look at Bresica the Innocence Killer and feel your innocence get stripped away.  
Zanza - rip off your wings and shove them up Meyneth's crotch hole! They're impossible to draw! (Meyneth can retaliate)

Me : ok so you're gonna be as creepy as possible. Also with the dragon thing, are you perhaps talking about giant dragon?

Dylan : now for the first truth of this batch dunban, why do you ship shulk and fiora so much?

Dunban : because they're meant to be?

Me : wrong answer melia and shulk are meant to be. Also next truth, this one is for you derty. Why are you so. Dirty?

Derty : hey! I'm not dirty it's derty!

Kay : Yes we know. And our next truthg is for lorithia. ( hands her the truth. )

Lorithia : I wouldn't do anything like that you idiot.

Dylan : now the next thruth is for kallian. ( shows him the truth )

Kallian : Uhh

Me : valid reaction. Next up zanzaz, how does it feel to have a glowing butt?

Zanzaz : weird, I guess.

Me : yeah whatever, next!

Dylan : our final truth of this batch is for melia, how do you fee about intimate melia/riki shippers?

Melia : i'm not sure, I never really gave it too much thought.

Derty : ok then now for our dares. ( shows shulk and alvis their dares )

Shulk and Alvis : ( do their dares. )

Derty : now meyneth has to somehow impregnate riki.

Meyneth : How?

Me : now idea, just do it.

Meyneth : ( does magic stuff, which completes her dare. )

Kay : our next dare is something else that isn't possible. So it has to be skipped, so our true next dare is for alvis to create bresica the innocence killer.

Me : ok everyone avert your eyes.

Alvis : ( creates that thing )

Kay : ok now melia, sharla and juju have a dare with that thing. ( shows them the dares )

melia, sharla and juju : ( do their dares )

Me : ( freezes bresica solid, and then shatters the ice ) ok one more dare for zanzaz ( shows zanza his dare. )

Zanzaz : ( does his dare and meyneth hits him with a giant hammer that she got out of nowhere.

Me : ok that was pretty funny and now to start our second to last batch.

Juju- eat a live rainbow slug  
Vangarre- apologize to the defense force soldiers for yelling at them  
Kallian: eat Lorithia

Truths  
Shulk: What are your thoughts on ShulkXDoge?  
Reyn: Do you like wolves?  
Sharla: Do you like Reyn?  
Dunban: Why don't you cut your hair?  
Melia: What are your thoughts on Fiora?  
Riki: Why don't you cuddle with guys?

Fiora: Did you like being part mechon?

Kay : and our first dare here is for juju to eat a live rainbow slug.

Juju : ok, those are a delicacy in colony 6. ( eats one )

Derty : oh, that's too bad. Also next vangarre has to apologize to his soldiers for yealling at them.

Vangarre : fine. I'm sorry for yelling at you guys, AND NOW GET BACK TO WORK YOU SLACKERS! ( hits them )

dylan : I can't sa that I didn't expect that and one more dare in this batch, kalian has to eat lorithia.

Kallian : REVENGE! ( eats lorithia )

Kay : now sulk what is your opinion on shulkxdoge?

Shulk : what's a doge, but it sounds fun I guess.

Me : ok next truth, reyn do you like wolves?

Reyn : they're pretty cool.

Dylan : ok next up, sharla do you like reyn?

Sharla : no.

Reyn :'(

Derty : next up dunban why don't you cut your hair?

Dunban : because having long hair is awesome.

Me : ok next truth melia. What are your thoughts on fiora/

melia : she's nice.

Dylan : next truth, riki why don't you cuddle with guys?

Riki : riki cuddle with no one.

Kay : ok final truth of this batch. Fiora did you like being part mechon?

Fiora : it wasn't that bad, because you get used to it.

Me : ok one more batch to go.

Truths  
Juju - where do babies come from?  
Tyrea - would you hump the Royal seer?  
Arglas - Why are Giants naked despite having structures in Valak Mountain?  
Shulk's Dad - why did you bring your FOUR YEAR OLD son on a dangerous expedition on a freezing mountain?  
Zanza - where is your dick?

Dares:  
Alvis - fight Segata Sanshiro  
Zanza - anger Chuck Noris  
Juju - have sex with Zanza  
Oka - fight Sans, MURDER Papyrus  
Neonick - kill Zanza, Alvis, Meyneth, and the Nopon Sage

me : first truth, juju where do babies come from?

Juju : perverts.

Dylan : good point next truth, tyrea would you hump the royal seer?

Tyrea : no.

alvis : good, I wouldn't want you to anyway

Kay : next arglas, why are the giants naked despite having structures on valak mountain?

Arglas : no idea, us giants are just weird I guess.

Derty : ok final truth, shulk's dad why did you bring your 4 year old son on the expedition to valak mountain?

Shulk's dad : uhh. ( dies )

me ok to the dares as we have no need for redundant truths. So for the first dare. Alvis has to fight segata sanshiro

Alvis : ok ( blows him up )

derty : next dare, zanzaz you have to anger chuck norris.

Zanzaz : ( looks at chuck norris which makes him angry )

Dylan : ok now juju has to have [ censored ] with zanza

juju : no I don't want to.

Me : ok then ( snaps fingers which makes the wheel of despair appear ) ok the dranja ( kills juju with the dranja )

Kay : ok two more dares, oka you have to fight sans in this game and have killed papyrus.

Oka : ( does her dare )

me : ok for the last dare. Neonick has to kill the nopon sage, meyneth, zanzaz and alvis.

Neonick : ( does that )

me : ok that was all. . . or was it. ( snaps fingers which makes the wheel of torture apear.

Derty : ok it says. Dare, zanzaz, do ballet in a frily pink princess dress. ( snaps finger which puts a frilly pink princess dress on zanzaz )

zanzaz : ( does ballet ) I really hate you four you know tht right.

Me : yes we know. And you can stop now the chapter is over.

 **A/N**

 **Ok sorry for that this came out so late guys it was actually supposed to come out around the end of last month, but you know. Life happened, and vacation happened, and procrastination happened but this chapter is finally out, also for those of you wondering about the fourth wall. That thing never even existed in this story. And with that i'll see y'all next time.**

Me : truth

zanzaz : or

Derty : dare.

 **KING OUT!**


	6. Chapter 6 new arrivals

Xenoblade chronicles truth of dare

 **A/N**

 **welcome back my loyal servants. To the next chapter of hell, now then we've gotten truths and dares from giant dragon. May cookies rain down upon you. Also I have a surprise for all of you, at the end of this chapter. So you can look forward to that.**

Chapter 6 new arrivals

Derty :( frantic ) guys get ready, the show is about to start!

Me : yeah ok. . . Wait what!

Derty : I said that the show is about to start.

( like 5 seconds later )

Me : welcome back everyone, to Xenoblade chronicles truth or dare.

Kay : this time we've gotten one batch of truths and dares. ( pulls paper out of pocket. )

Heya more truths and dares here.

Truths.  
Zanza: who is your arch-nemisis.  
Shulk: who is your waifu.  
Zanza: what is a Zanzaz don't say i don't know.  
Fiora: do you like Shulk.  
Dunban: do you play sports.  
Shulk: what is your honest opinion on the torture chamber.  
Colony nine soldiers: how many push ups does Vangarre make you do dialy.  
Melia: why do you say you don't like Shulk eventhough you obviously do.  
Riki: are you secretly a pillow.  
Reyn: who are a bunch of jokers.

Dares  
Derty: change your name to Dirty for this chapter. ( do this one first )  
Riki: destroy the world and become it's new god.  
Shulk: fight the Avalance abaasy one on one.  
Main party: Play the video game Xenoblade chronicles.  
Shulk: steel one of Melia's Dobercorgies.  
You: see what would happen if you warped everyone's personality to the oppisite of how they are.  
Sharla: survive a zombie apoclypse.  
egil: fight the aciant deadera one on one.  
Zanza: wear a shirt that says kick me.  
Everyone: whatch Fairy tail.

Dylan : alright first Derty, you have to change your name to Dirty for the entire chapter.

Dirty : ugh, fine i'll do it. But I will get you back for this.

Me : yeah sure. ( gets blasted by ice cold water. ) also, our next dare is for riki to destroy the world, and become it's new god.

Zanzaz : What! How dare you say that!

Me : it says so on the list of dares, it's not my fault that he has to do it.

Riki : ( eats the universe )

Alvis : ( creates a new universe where riki I the god )

Me : alright that just happened, also next shulk has to fight avalanche abaasy one on one.

Shulk : ( hits it but gets killed by it's instakill spike. )

Zanzaz : what an idiot.

Me : like you would do any better. You're level 81/82 and that thing is level 120. you wouldn't stand a chance.

Zanzaz : what does that even mean. ( does the same as shulk. And also gets instakilled by it's spike. )

Me : don't say I didn't warn you.

Dirty : now the main party, has to play the game xenoblade chronicles. ( throws a copy of the game at them )

( a long time later. )

main party : ( goes crazy about the game )

Dylan : alright shut up all of you, we have to continue. Shulk you have to steal one of melia's dobercorgies.

Shulk : okay. ( steals 74 of melia's 674 dobercorgies and gets blasted by lightning )

Melia : ( threatening ) don't ever touch them again! ( takes the 74 dobercorgies that shulk took back )

Kay : ok that just happened, and next, ronan you have to switch everyone's personalities, to the opposite of what they normaly are.

Me : ( uses my author powers to do that. )

Zanzaz : leme love you! ( runs towards me. )

Me : ok I changed my mind, this was actually a really bad idea ( turns everyone back to normal. )

Dylan : next sharla has to survive a zombie apocalypse.

Me : ( teleports the studio to a version of bionis leg infested with zombies )

Sharla : ( shoots all the zombies )

Me : ( teleports the studio back. ) now egil has to fight ancient deadera one on one.

Egil : ok ( presses some random button, which makes ancient deadera explode. )

Dirty : hey zanzaz!

Zanzaz : what!?

Dirty : wear this! ( throws a shirt that says kick me at zanzaz )

Zanzaz : fine. ( puts it on and gets kicked by everyone in the main party. )

Me : alright the last dare. You all heve to watch the best anime ever, Fairy tail. ( angelic sounds happen )

everyone : ( watches the first episode )

Me : alright next are the truths, first Zanzaz do you have an arch-nemisis.

Zanzaz : yes I do, it's you.

Me :'(

Kay : next, shulk do you have a waifu?

Shulk : What's a waifu?

Dylan : valid awnser. . . I guess.

Dirty : zanza, another one for you. What is a zanzaz, don't say I don't know.

Zanzaz : something stupid.

Me : haha You just called yourself stupid.

Dylan : next fiora do you like shulk?

Fiora : no, but don't tell him.

All hosts : hey shulk, fiora doesn't like you!

Shulk :'(

Fiora : ( annoyed ) I told you not to tell him!

Me : whatever, dunbad do you do sports?

Dunban : well I do play golf sometimes. I guess.

Dylan : hmm interesting. But we have to continue, shulk what is your honest opinion of the torture chamber.

Shulk : I hate it.

Me : of course you do.

Kay : next to the colony nine defense force soldiers, how many push ups does vangarre make you do daily.

Some random soldier : 1000 push ups, and 1000 sit ups in 1 hour.

Me : ok.

Dirty : melia why do you say you don't like shulk, when you obviously do.

Melia : I do not like him.

Me and Dylan : yes you do.

Melia : no I don't

Otharon : Put a sock in it, you three.

Kay : riki are you a pillow.

Riki : no riki not pillow!

Dylan : And for the last dare, Reyn who are a bunch of jokers.

Reyn : You four. ( points to the four hosts. )

Me : hey! Anyway we're almost done ( makes the wheel of torture appear. )

Dirty : alright then, it's a truth this time. Zanzaz what is the thing you hate the most in the world?

Zanzaz : this show.

Me : hey that was mean, but anyway you are all dismissed.

( that night )

Derty : hey guys do you actually know where Ronan went?

Dylan : yeah I know, he said he was gonna recruit some new contestants.

Kay & Derty : was that today, I thought he was gonna do that a few days later.

Dylan : yeah, I thought so too but he said that the void of transportation recharged earlier than expected.

Derty : that makes sense.

( somewhere far away )

Me ( standing on top of the world tree **( from XC2 )** ) yeah this is a good spot ( places the void of transportation. And teleports back to the studio. )

( Back in the hosts chamber )

Me : hey there guys i'm back.

Derty : how did it go?

Me : It went well. They should be arriving any second now.

( muffled chrashing sounds and people yelling. )

Me : ah there they are.

All hosts : ( run into the main studio, and finds all characters of XC2 laying on a massive heap. )

 **A/N**

 **so that's my surprise, i'm adding the characters from xenoblade chronicles 2 in the mix. Now I want no truths and dares from chapter 7 and later as I have not yet completed the game. ( i'll tell you when I have. ) but with that I leave you for now.**

Me : thruth

derty : or

Dylan : dare

 **KING OUT!**


End file.
